My Elf-Care Routine

Lyrics

The tinsel's tangled up in knots, the fairy lights are dead,

I bought three gifts for Cousin Scott, and lost the list I made.

I'm stuck in line for seven hours, the eggnog's running low,

My neighbour's singing Christmas power ballads WAY too slow.

Oh, I need my elf-care routine,

Forget the sleigh and silver screen!

Just pour me cocoa, strong and dark,

And find a cozy place to park!

Santa's judging, but I don't care,

'Cause I'm on the naughty-nice line,

Just let me have my two hours' time!

Two hours! Take a break!

The gluten-free fruitcake is a rock, the turkey's looking dry,

I'm checking out the Christmas stock, on Amazon while I cry.

I wrapped a sweater in newspaper, mistook it for a cat,

I'm burning out faster than a cheap log in a fireplace hat!

ATTENTION, CHRISTMAS SHOPPERS!

The management regrets to inform you that perfection is canceled.

Please proceed directly to the nearest couch. This is your moment.

Oh, I need my elf-care routine,

Forget the sleigh and silver screen!

Just pour me cocoa, strong and dark,

And find a cozy place to park!

Santa's judging, but I don't care,

Gotta de-stress this holiday hair!

'Cause I'm on the naughty-nice line,

Just let me have my two hours' time!

Two hours! Take a break!

Two hours! Take a break!

Elf-care! Elf-care! Gotta get that elf-care!

Two hours! Take a break!

Two hours! Take a break!

Next year, I'm buying gift cards.